no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
