Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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