Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
