and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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