i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
