I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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