K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
