How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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