I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's blow job season.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
