so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
