shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Please, let me fuck your mom
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
