Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
porn star boner night. come get it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
