I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
