I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
