Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
