I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
