why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
