how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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