Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
