Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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