i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
