According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
