its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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