I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
