you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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