My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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