Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
