Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
