Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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