Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
