Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
