is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
