It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
