dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
