Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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