There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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