you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
