I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
