There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
