I want to walk on stilts...naked
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
