if i can run in heels then i can drive
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
