I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
