I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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