Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
