Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
