I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
