So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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