This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
