Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
