And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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