I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
