Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
