tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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