I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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