I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I would fuck him just for his dog
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
