he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
